A mushroom is in a mush room.

傻B少年极喜欢“少年”这个词，想必在之前也常常提及，虽然她总调侃自己是个大叔心。但不可否认，“少年”一次在她心中占取了相当大的分量。

傻B少年极喜欢的第二个词就是“世界末日”了。一提起这四个字，她那本来不大的眼睛瞬间就变得熠熠生辉，她像是打了激素一样跃跃欲试地盼望着这一天的到来。她喜欢这种带有画面感和毁灭感的词语。而这词语又饱含了对于一种未知的终结，是的，能够看到终结的事物总是让人充满期待且不会让人恐慌的，即使这种终结是车毁人亡是玉石俱焚是鱼死网破是同归于尽。

现在是2012年1月3日晚上8点43分，傻B少年刚刚剪完头发从理发馆出来。她转过身逆着风点了根烟。天实在太冷了，她想应该添双分指的手套，这样就不用摘掉四个手指并在一起的毛线手套，冻着手夹烟。况且她抽烟本来的目的是想取暖的。她戴上羽绒服的帽子，顶着风往前走。

这本不算远的路途，她总觉得坐公交和打车都没什么意义。走路是最方便的，何况她还知道很多可以超的近道儿。但在这零下不知道几度的刮着大风的街上鲜有活人的夜晚，她这么直冲冲地走着。麻木感从脚趾尖一点一点地爬到手指尖，脸蛋子被刀子一样的北风吹得像一张面具。她暂且忽略了面目到底有多狰狞，但不难想象，这狰狞中带着一股傻逼兮兮的劲儿来。

她想起大三的那一年，她坚持了整整一年的时间，除去大姨妈和生病，坚持每天跑一个小时步的日子。那是多么可贵的同自己独处、交谈、质问、思考的时光。而她耐心又虔诚地积累了那么丰厚的强大与独立，眼看着就要渐渐被自己奢侈地消耗殆尽。她顿时觉得很伤感。

她垂下眼帘，看到路灯和树枝投在街上深深的影子，试图找回彼时那种充沛的旺盛。然而渐渐僵硬和被冻得发胀的双腿提醒她，那已经是很久以前的事情了。

不管了，怎么着也得走回家。她心里发狠地说道。

风愈加的猛了，她想念着那个有爸爸和小猫等她的温暖的家。她可以一边喝热水一边吃凉的柚子，再以一块甜丝丝的巧克力收尾。她可以光着脚丫子满屋跑来跑去抓喵咪，躺着看书或是趴着看美剧。

那么

在“少年”和“世界末日”这么美好的字眼之间加上“傻B”又如何。

她想着这番你来我往的自我催眠，直愣愣地在寒风中往家里赶，竟不觉得一丝悲壮。

从单位出来前，我问高老师，你看得出来我哭过吗？

他点点头，笑着说，赶紧洗把脸去吧。

可是妈妈却看不出来。

呵。呵。

每天下班回家的路上，都会想起一些细小的片断。

比如，那扇拉开窗帘就能看到对面映着夕阳的德式建筑的窄窗。比如，在温柔的秋夜里被路灯光簇拥着怀里抱着的听装啤酒。比如，午夜从噩梦中挣扎着醒来又躲进温暖的怀抱。

伴随着这些片断，总会很快地走回家。

走到家楼下的时候，总会停下来，抬头看看门口的无花果树，还有月亮。

这一刻，无论如何都会抛开一切的烦躁，只是怔怔地站在那儿。稍许，摘下耳机和手套，再若无其事地开门。

对于那些曾经出现又莫名走失又再次试图挽回的人事，渐渐取消了以往的温和态度。开始变得毫无耐心，暴躁，甚至干脆采取不理睬的态度。几度试图平息心中莫名的怒火，最终也只得礼貌性地选择不理睬——这怕是最好的也是最理智的做法。因为确实害怕一张口就是一个滚字。

滚。

浑厚有力，要是能短促点儿就更好了。

狠话放完了，看看能坚持几天不删了它。

Once upon a time there was Candy and Dan. Things were very hot that year.
All the wax was melting in the trees.
He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy.
Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair.
Everything was gold. One night the bed caught fire.
He was handsome and a very good criminal. 
We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars. It was the afternoon of extravagant delight.
Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing.
The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks.
I want to try it your way this time.
You came into my life really fast and I liked it. 
We squelched in the mud of our joy. I was wet-thighed with surrender. 
Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted.
This is the business. This, is what we're after. With you inside me comes the hatch of death.
And perhaps I'll simply never sleep again.
The monster in the pool.
We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans.
Everywhere I looked. And sometimes I hate you.
Friday -- I didn't mean that, mother of the blueness. 
Angel of the storm. Remember me in my opaqueness.
You pointed at the sky, that one's called Sirius or dogstar, but only here on earth.
Fly away sun.
Ha ha fucking ha you are so funny Dan.
A vase of flowers by the bed.
My bare blue knees at dawn.
These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too.
I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning.
I gave him a name. His name was Thomas. Poor little god. His heart pounds like a voodoo drum.


Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing.